Direct Cremate

How to Handle Your Spouse Wanting a Different Form of Disposition

Does your spouse want a different form of disposition than you? If so, here are some ways to handle it so you both get the funeral services you want.
What to do If You and Your Spouse Want Different Funeral Services
What to do If You and Your Spouse Want Different Funeral Services

Many people imagine that they’ll be with their spouse after death just like in life, but what if that’s not the case? What if you and your spouse want different types of disposition

Let’s imagine that you have always planned to be buried. You assumed when you got married that was what your spouse would want as well. However, that isn’t what they had in mind. They want to be cremated and have their cremains scattered. Til death do us part takes on a new meaning if that’s the case. 

If you find yourself in this position, there are some things you may want to consider so you can rest in peace a little easier. 

Have an Honest Discussion With Your Spouse About What Funeral Services You Want 

It’s important for spouses to have a discussion about disposition long before it’s actually needed. There are a lot of logistics to work out, and your spouse is given preference over the next of kin if there’s no will. That means, unless you have a last will and testament with someone else named as the executor, your spouse is charged with arranging the funeral services. And if you haven’t specified the funeral services you want in a will, your spouse makes the decisions postmortem. 

It’s often even more important to document your death care wishes if you have a domestic partner who will not be considered next of kin. If that’s the case, your domestic partner could be cut out of the funeral service planning entirely. 

It’s not an easy discussion to have, but spouses should be clear about what funeral services their partner wants. Beyond the surviving spouse carrying out the wishes of the deceased, having the discussion can allow you to come to a compromise if you want different forms of disposition and figure out a way to make both work together.

Ways to Bring Different Forms of Disposition Together

So, what should a couple do if they want different forms of disposition? While it may not seem ideal at first, there are ways to make it work.

The good news is cremation allows for a lot of options, unlike burial. If one spouse wants to be buried and the other wants to be cremated, here’s what you could consider doing so that you have a final resting place together:

  • Get a cremation burial plot next to the conventional burial plot.
  • Put the urn with the cremains in the casket prior to burial if the spouse wanting cremation passes away first. 
  • Scatter the cremated remains over the gravesite of the other spouse. 
  • Scatter part of the cremains in a meaningful place and keep the rest so they can be placed at the burial site.
  • Purchase a columbarium niche at the cemetery where the burial plot is located.
  • Opt for a mausoleum with a burial chamber and niche for an urn.

As you can see, all of the solutions above require a certain degree of forethought and planning in advance. The sooner you have a discussion with your spouse about funeral services the better prepared you’ll be. 

If you need assistance arranging a direct cremation for a spouse, yourself or another loved one, please give Direct Cremate a call or text any time of day.