Disputes Over Who Obtains the Cremains

Not sure who should get the cremated remains of a loved one? Here are some common scenarios and how the cremains are handled based on the law.
Deciding Who Gets to Have Cremated Remains
Deciding Who Gets to Have Cremated Remains

In many ways, cremation is much simpler than burial except in one regard. With cremation, there are cremated remains at the end of the process that someone obtains. That caveat can create issues in some instances. One of the most common issues is disputes over who gets to have the cremains.

Many people argue that they should have all or a portion of the cremains based on ethical grounds, but the fact remains there are legal regulations that dictate who gets the cremains. Below we’ll take a closer look at three scenarios where there could be a dispute over who obtains the cremains.

Common Scenarios Where Ownership of Cremated Remains Gets Disputed

Parents of the Deceased That Are Separated/Divorced

When a couple with children gets divorced there are a lot of matters that have to get worked out and assets that are split. However, few separated or divorced couples are prepared for losing a child and then agreeing on who gets the cremated remains. 

This can be particularly problematic if the child was a minor and both parents had some sort of custody rights. 

Two or More Siblings

This is probably the most common occurrence of the three. When there’s more than one child disputes can easily arise over who gets to have the cremated remains of a parent. Sometimes the cremains are kept together in a single receptacle rather than being split for each child. 

Spouse and Children

Sometimes the deceased’s spouse and the deceased’s children are at odds over who will get the cremains or how they will be portioned out. The spouse can be a biological parent or stepparent for the adult children. Either way, the spouse is going to be the next of kin according to most state laws, which means they’ll be considered first in line for the cremains.

Who Can Legally Obtain the Cremains 

While the separation of cremated remains is a legal grey area, who can receive the cremains from the funeral home is not. The laws are going to vary by state, but in most cases, the legal next of kin gets the cremated remains. 

The exception is if the deceased created a last will and testament that specified what should happen to their cremated remains. The wishes outlined in the will must be respected irregardless of how family members feel about it. The deceased could have chosen: 

  • For one person to keep their cremains.
  • To have the cremains separated and given to numerous people.
  • Have part or all of the cremains stored in a columbarium niche.
  • Have part or all of the cremains be buried.
  • Have the cremated remains scattered.

As you can see, there are cases when no one gets the cremated remains. If a loved one didn’t have a will and there are disputes over who gets the cremains it may be best to bury them, scatter them or put the cremains in a niche where no one has ownership. There’s also the option of using the cremated remains to make keepsakes for everyone to squash the dispute. 


Have other questions about cremated remains? The Direct Cremate team will answer them and can provide more information about the cremation process. Call or text us with your question at any time!

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